I still have a dream…

It is terrible when time slips through your fingers, and you find the weeks flying by (and my poor blog has fallen by the way, yet again.)  I said to Dave, “I’d like to write a blog post tonight.”  He enthusiastically encouraged me to do just that. I think he knows how much I enjoy sitting down and just writing.  I know I am not an eloquent writer, but I love the written word.  I once told a friend that I have often thought that I should write a book.  At the time I really had no clue what I would write about, I just knew that I wanted to write.  She laughed at me and said, “Oh Cheryl, that is just because you love books so much.”  Up until then I had thought that if I had a desire to write then perhaps God had placed something in me.  Oh, I did just fine in English class, but, perhaps, my grades were more a reflection of the lack of effort my peers put in.  Creative writing is rather a subjective topic to grade.  Nevertheless, I thought I could be a writer.

However, when my friend laughed at my dream, I quietly tucked it away.  After all, I respected her and if she thought it was laughable than probably it was just a silly notion.  That was over 15 years ago, perhaps, closer to 20, I am sure if I were to ask her, “Do you remember when…” she’d have no recollection of the conversation.  In many ways I feel like Dave and I have already lived a lifetime together since then.  We have shared so many ups and downs.  We have been blessed, and we have suffered loss.  We bought our first house, only to have to sell it a few years later after Dave was downsized from his job, twice.  We were blessed with children, and dealt with the loss of children through miscarriage.  We moved to our wee little homestead, with dreams filling up our sails, only to find out 9 months later that Joel had brain cancer.

I have no shortage of things to write about now.  However, I set for myself, possibly, a rather unattainable goal.  I believe I have shared before that I struggle with taking time to write when all of my household responsibilities are not finished.  After all, I have 6 children that I willingly brought into this world, so reason stands that their needs and perchance even some of  their wants supersede my writing time.  Don’t misunderstand that to mean that I am waiting on them hand and foot, but 6 people take up a lot of my time.  (I haven’t even mentioned Dave and I make sure that I am investing in that relationship too!)  I find with two teenagers in the house now, they need my time in a far different way than my 2-year-old does, yet they still need me.

As I sit here writing, Dave is at work for the night, my two youngest are already in bed, the other 4 our busy with various activities as they are winding down for the night.  There is a load of washing in the washing machine, another in the dryer, and some diapers waiting for me to take care of them in the bucket.  There is more laundry that needs to be folded and put away.  I have a ‘to do list’ as long as my arm, and it never ends.

Recently, I have read several blog post from several blogging Mommas and they have all written about the theme, ‘Getting it All Done.’  The one thing they all had in common, is that they don’t get it all done.  They have dishes in their sinks, various projects on the go, gardens they are tending, weeding that they are behind on, little ones that need correcting, homeschool lessons that they whipped together at the last moment.

It has occurred to me that I am not alone.  I don’t get it all done either.  I try to have a ‘company-ready-house’ so that people can drop in whenever, but, that is not always the reality when we are busy living life.  Case-in-point, my parents dropped by today to pick up eggs and my Mom, remarked, “Your house is really clean.”  I was saying to the kids a couple of weeks ago, “Why is it that whenever Gramma and Biba drop-in the house is a mess.”

If I wait for everything to be done then you will continue to get a post about once a month from me.  Oh, and the post will most likely sound like this… Wow, another month has flown by.  Things have really been busy around here…”  I actually find it so much harder to start back in writing after so much time has gone by, too many things have happened that I feel a bit overwhelmed and I don’t even really know where to begin writing.

All this to say, I love writing and I have missed it deeply.  Whether God placed a desire in me to write or, if it is all just a silly sentiment, I still enjoy it.

Moral of this story, our words are powerful, we can say something with little-to-no thought and it can cut deeply and impact someone for years to come.  I still have a dream…Postscript: Before this was posted all 6 children were tucked into bed, bedtime stories read for those that wanted it, clothes washed and dried (not folded and put away), diapers washed and hanging to dry.

Photo credit: Dave

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