Confessions
November is almost over, and while we have enjoyed the down time from therapy we still have barely scratched the surface of all the things that need doing around here. That said we have been busy. I am another year older, perhaps not wiser. At 37 I made a list of 37 things I wanted to accomplish in the following year, by 38 I had only crossed off a few items so I added a few more things to the list to have a new list of 38 things and here I sit at 39 having once again only crossed a few things off my list. I have not given up on the list, I think I should print it out so I can look at it more often, but this year I do not feel compelled to write a new list. Instead I have been rather contemplative lately about my own life and the direction it is headed.
I decided I’d dump all the things, some of the things rolling around in my brain out here. I haven’t been blogging regularly and it isn’t because I haven’t wanted to, or that I haven’t had anything to say. I have had lots to say but I have told myself you are too busy to blog and partially that is true. Yet if I am entirely honest, often times I still don’t get the things done that I needed to get done because I have filled my time with other distractions.
One of the main reasons I haven’t blogged is that I am a perfectionist at heart, and a people pleaser. Yet my life is so far from perfect that at times it seems hypocritical to post a cute lovely post where I leave out all the imperfections. I like my blog posts to have relevant pictures with them, but sometimes the things I need to write about don’t have relevant pictures so instead my blog sits silent.
I have been a blog reader for many years, and many of the blogs I read the families seem so perfect, I bet they never have a pile of laundry taller than their kids, or miss family devotions, or make eggs and bacon for supper not because it is fun to do breakfast for supper but because the roast is still frozen in the middle and it is already past 6.
My life is messy, chaotic, and so far from picture perfect. Homeschool is tough for us, our schedule is constantly disrupted with appointments to the point that a non-schedule is our schedule. So far, I have 4 dyslexic kiddos with varying degrees of learning issues. Joel being one of them and he brings his own challenges to the school table because of his brain surgery, posterior fossa syndrome, and side effects from treatment. There is a saying that is so wise, and I have read it in many places, so I do not know who coined the term but it goes like this, “Inspect what you expect.” Apparently I am terrible at this and my children know it. Often times they will squeak by on a task doing the bare minimum until I finally take notice. If it isn’t already obvious I am the weak link in the family, My children all know if there is a parent who is more likely to say yes it is me. I am not a perfect parent.
I so desperately want to be that Proverbs 31 woman but I fall so short; do I sound like I have no self esteem at all, well to be entirely honest that is another shortcoming I have. However, it is also an area I am making some improvements in. What I can tell you is I love, I love my God, my family, and I love people. I want to be able to pick up the broken hearted and mend them and sometimes all I can do is pray for them and love them. I may fail in so many areas but I know I love, of course I am not perfect at this and I still have room for improvement here too, but I know that this is an area I am gifted at.
So what does all this have to do with this blog and why did I dump it all on my poor readers, I commend you if you have made it this far! There is a point to all of this. I love to write my thoughts out, whether they are deep things that I am wrestling with or frivolous things that have grabbed my attention. I so enjoy coming here and sharing my life, I know I have shared some of my struggles etc. in the past but I have come to the point that I need this blog to be a place where I share the good the bad and the ugly. Where I share the amazing and the mundane. Some days I may post a picture that has absolutely nothing to do with what I just wrote about simply because I enjoy adding a picture. If I have no picture to share I won’t let that hold me back any more.
This blog has adjusted and changed as time has gone on, it was such a blessing to me as we struggled through Joel’s cancer. There have been times where I have wondered if perhaps I should give it up and start a new blog. On the Old Path has meant many things to me, but I am still on the path, I have stumbled along the way but I still desire the Old Ways and I am still committed to searching them out. I am a woman who is far from perfect but is striving to improve, not in my own strength, but in my Saviour’s, “Being confident of this very thing, that he who has begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.” (Phil. 1:6) The journey isn’t over and I will continue to write about, “Homeschooling, Homesteading and Homemaking by faith through life’s ups and downs.” 
Perhaps over the years, as we get better and better at just doing life, my blog will grow in it’s picture perfection, but instead of looking picture perfect I hope that when folks join me on the Old Path they will see a glimpse into our real, honest, sometimes messy, life.
This is one of the MANY out-takes for our Christmas picture, I never seem to have a lot of luck with the group shot, the cat is there simply to try and keep Samuel from wandering.
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Joel's eyes
14 Comments
Debi
We are not a picture perfect crew either, but it all you can do. Just stay on your path.
Rebel Sweetheart
I admire your strength and spirit, Cheryl! Keep up the good work! You're doing a great job in raising your kids and managing your household. 🙂
My recent post Asthma is Evil.
pepper tan
In some aspects, I think I can identify with you- really. I also feel I have low self-esteem. But I think you are a really strong woman. It's never easy to have to deal with so much. I can't even begin to imagine how you can still keep your head held high. Amazing. You and your kids are amazing.
My recent post Caring For Children With Cancer
Savannah
I don't think you're a weak link at all, you're a REAL parent! I would much rather read a blog that isn't trying to come across as "we're the perfect family"….those blogs just make me feel bad because I really don't do a good job. And I love reading your blog to keep up with your family since we don't get a chance to visit that often. I struggle with a lot of the things you mentioned and it's been encouraging knowing that even though you have as well, your family is doing well. You all love each other, your kids are SO helpful and play so nicely with ours whenever we see you guys..you're doing a great job. I hope it can be weight off your shoulders, this decision to write more openly about the ups and downs.
I look forward to seeing you Friday! I have a cold but should be ok by then..I'll try not to infect your household!
Btw, when I tried to take a nice Christmas picture of the kids…Josiah was rolling around on the ground screaming, trying to get away, Tobi was fake-smiling and trying to hold Josiah down while trying to keep himself seated, and Annie ended up getting kicked in the nose by Josiah… 😛
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marlece
I love reading your words and hearing your heart. Today it made me feel like I wasn't alone in my feelings, thanks for inspiring me. I hold back ALOT because I don't want to be THAT blogger but you know? Sometimes it's good for others to see it all. I would hate to put stuff out there only for people to think that I have a perfect life for I don't I struggle, being real is the best way to be, transparent. So, you challenge me to do just that. Thanks my friend.
Susan
Cheryl,
This is by far one of the best posts I have read in a while. First off, I commend you for your honesty. And for feeling less than "supermom" sometimes or most times. I know I do. And the pics on blogs showing "perfection"? It is all you know what. I share what I want to share and perhaps that appears to be calm, fun and even in some cases "perfect" but it is not. For anyone. Right now, as I type this, I have a basket of laundry sitting on the couch (I am sure most of it is on the floor by now!)…I am not yet dressed and am still thinking about another cup of coffee as Ava runs around without pants and I empty what feels like a gallon of pee from her potty every hour. How's that for honesty?
Write what you feel. And share or don't share photos. Your writing is lovely.
xo
Theresa
How refreshing to have you put your true life out there. I like to keep my blog posts positive and upbeat, but like every other mother, I am sure, I have the laundry waiting, sometimes I declare it's a defend for yourself dinner night because I either forgot or didn't have time to lay something out, my kids throw fits. Sometimes big ones that leave me really questioning my parenting skills. I have ulcerative colitis and some days I wonder how I am going to get through the day. Even though most bloggers put their best face forward, know that we all have our own issues. It will be nice to come here and get a nice dose of honest reality.
RaD
Bah! I like you blog how it is. True I like my pictures to line up with my post too, but I also admire and love blogs that just throw in their pictures with their thoughts. There's one I read called resolvedtoworship.xanga.com and there are times when she is just talking about life but has pictures of her eight kids or her and her husband splashed in their. I want to write with more thought I think too.
Don't change your blog. Just be you! I like you!
Patricia
"Not so picture perfect gang" – HA! They are perfect in your picture because they are real and this is "them"…
Celebrate their being so normal and thus, so perfect, that it hurts you inside to think about it. They are yours and they are God's – and that makes them PERFECT, be they quiet or noisey, be they nice or naughty and in all ways they are PEFECT! Sending love for each and every one of these perfect young ones!
Peekaboo S.
They're all so cute 🙂
lorie
I think you are doing a great job. I also home schooled my children and walked the old path. I raised 14 boys and 1 girl. Most were fosters that were "problem kids" so my husband and I dealt with drug problems, angry teenagers that had been abandoned by parents and 1 boy with cancer. The house was always messy, there was always laundry and dishes to do. Our John wanted to be a body builder (like Arnold) he worked on that constantly. Always lifting when he did not have chores or homework. Then one day he had a pain in his leg. Just slow down on leg lifts and it should go away. It got worse. Off to the doctors we went to get the devastating news. He had cancer in the large thigh muscle or soft tissue sarcoma. The cancer was removed along with the thigh muscle. No more body building dreams for him and the treatment made him sterile. Hard facts for a 9 year old boy. Long story short after a hard battle with drugs, he married a nice girl with 2 little boys works at a very good job. Everything was going great, then his wife tells him she is going to have a baby. He was so hurt he moved home with us. Now we love all our kids fosters or not, but there is a time when they have to stand up knowing that we are behind them not in front. His dad asked him what she had told him about the baby and she said it was his. How can that be? His father asked him where is your faith, it was not just doctors that got you through cancer and it was not just your mother and father that got you through drugs have faith in Shara and do not forget what your knees are for. Nichole is the spitting image of her father. Now their house is always messy and there is always laundry and dishes to do, because they are at ball practice or camping or something. The house will take care of itself and the laundry and dishes are always there tomorrow. Only God is perfect and he does not expect us to be. Just do your best and be you, from the look of your kids you are doing a pretty good job of perfect look at their faces. They know they are loved and it shows.
CherylatOldPath
Oh Lorie your words are a gift from God I just read them this morning, it is March 26th the day we were told Joel had a tumour, the day so much changed. It is hard day for me, even 6 years later. Your words are an encouragement, God Bless You!
Teresa Rivas
I love your blog. Finally a real NOT perfect person, like myself. I stumbled upon you via Pinterest, sexing a baby chick. Your many kids intrigued me to wonder and read more of your posts. I grew up with 5 older brothers and sisters. And the group photo has me busting out loud! The Rivas family photos I could share with you, haha identical. Oh wait someone needs to be blowing a bubble gum bubble.
I was just saying to my Brian, Im over unrelateable blogs, videos, instagrams, etc.
I would love the house to be built, but its been three months and Im still getting the foundation straight and wide enough. Of coarse Ive seen and read every I can, its another doing. For our situation add 20 plus mph winds EVERYDAY, sometimes I say I don’t care, Im gonna wrestle that wind and other times Im wonder did I die and this is hell?? I try and find joy everyday but the reality is……lots of times, most times its hard. And that is an understatement. I have to care like my life depends on it, wind or more wind, I gotta get it done. Trust me, the wind NEVER stops. Oh wait, it does when the moon comes up. If I wasn’t afraid of getting eaten by a mountain loin, I would work in the dark.
For this high dessert mountain girl, in a draught and high fire warning, thats my reality. I haul water, gas generator power, hand tools, my brain and a cell phone.
Anyways. Look forward to seeing you around social media, whenever you get a chance, it will be a nice surprise.
Take Care and don’t stop. Every little step will equal a mile.
A new fan,
Teresa Rivas
CherylatOldPath
Thanks Teresa! I am glad you found me I have wanted to get back to writing.