I cried today…

We were in the car driving to Joel’s therapy session when he was talking about, when he grows up.  He was telling us that the job he wants is to drive a big truck that would bring food and toys to kids that don’t have any.  Then he talked about his son and daughter and things he would give them.  Finally my 6 1/2-year-old Joel said,

“Know what I can’t wait for?”

“What’s that Joel?”

“To get married!”

I quietly cried at his sweetness, but I also cried about my fears.  We all want the best for our children, we don’t want them to experience disappointment.  When I share the things he says here I don’t add in how many times he repeats a word looking for the next or how many umms he says the above conversation about his job and future wife probably took about 10 minutes for him.  If I was having the same conversation with Joshua it would probably taken Joshua a minute to say the same thing.

The doctors and therapist cannot make us any promises if Joel will ever improve maybe…

Is there a girl out there with that much patience, to fall in love with a boy who has a wonderful heart but has trouble getting his words out?  Not to mention his cognitive issues?

So I cried wondering how many disappointments he may face.  The silly part is we all face disappointments.  I have friends with grown children.  They have watched their children make mistakes, lost a job, watch as their child’s marriage fell apart, a daughter miscarrying.  We live in a fallen world and we are told by Christ himself that we will have troubles.

But there is HOPE…

I know it.  I don’t know Joel’s future but God does, once again I need to lay my little boy at His feet and pray not MY will be done Lord, but YOURS.

The coolest thing was I came home and checked my email and there was an email from a girl who has a little boy about the same age as Joel. ( I belong to a Yahoo group called cerebellarmutism which deals with kids that have experienced Posterior Fossa Syndrome which Joel has.)  Basically, the side effects Joel has experienced from surgery are all part and parcel of Posterior Fossa Syndrome (PFS), muteness, loss of motor control down the right side, eye turning in, facial paralysis, ataxia etc. these are all things Joel dealt with and to some degree still deals with.  At any rate back to the email, this girl’s little guy’s PFS was worse than Joel’s and he is receiving some different treatments than Joel is and he is making amazing leaps and bounds in recovery and she is willing to share all that they are doing with their son.  I know that no two children are the same and just because it is working for her son does not mean it will for Joel but it was so encouraging.

It felt like it was straight from God, I had not even laid my worries before Him and I felt like He was saying to me, “See there is always HOPE.”

Whatever you are going through the message is still the same, there is always HOPE, no matter what.

I started this post on Monday and now it is early Tuesday morning, I did not forget about The Clean Heart Clean Home Challenge I am still slowly plugging away at it but as I have not made the headway I was hoping for I decided to post next Monday and there is always HOPE that this is the week I will finally catch up!!

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