At about this time 10 years ago today reality was just beginning to set in that we had a very long road ahead of us. Fast forward 10 years and we have come a very long way. If I am honest I had hoped we would have seen more progress than we have but any progress is better than none.

I could never have guessed that on the 10 year anniversary of Joel’s brain surgery that our world would be so turned upside down. These are uncertain times for so many people. 10 years ago today the world I knew came crashing down around me, just as it has for so many presently. I had hopes and dreams for the future and the startling truth that I was not the one holding the future hit me smack in the face.

I had always known this to a degree, but we dream, we envision the future, we plan. 10 years ago today I realised that while I thought that I might know what tomorrow would bring, I had become very aware that what I had was ‘right here and now, this moment’…nothing more. It is not a bad thing to plan for the future, I am not saying that dreaming is wrong either, it is just that the future is so very uncertain.

10 years ago today my mind was racing ahead, when would Joel be more like himself again, when would he be able to sit up ok, when could we go home. As the days turned in to weeks I continued to look ahead when will he talk, when will he be able to speak normally, when will he walk again when… when… when…

As I sat in the hospital observing those around me I noticed something very different about the little children in comparison to myself. They were not grieving the past and they were not fearing the future. They were right there in the moment. If it was a painful or scary moment then that was what they expressed but once it was over they went back to colouring or skipping down the hall, because they were in that new moment.

Today I know many people are asking, ‘when.’ When will things go back to normal? When will this be over? When can I go back to work or school? When can we visit friends and family? There is a gift in learning to be present in this moment… in the right now. No dwelling on the past, no fearing the future. Focusing in on those around you right now in this very moment. Enjoying the slower pace because everything is cancelled so we are all home now. Taking time to do something on your to do list, or building a couch cushion fort, read a book aloud together, or even writing a letter.

God holds our future, we do not see the whole picture. I 100% guarantee you that in this world there will be things, hard things that happen that we cannot make sense of here…but GOD… He sees, He hears, He knows, and He holds it all, seeing the whole picture. We have this moment, but He has eternity.

10 years ago today, I could not understand how there was a tumour in my little boys brain. All I could do was lay that sweet little boy at my Saviour’s feet and trust that He knew, He saw, He understood, and that He held the future, the future beyond the second I was living in. He holds your future. He holds my future, and He continues to hold Joel’s future.

I cannot even begin to imagine what the next 10 years will bring, and I am not so sure I even want to. I am too busy living in the right here and now.

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