Hurt Feelings and Dealing with Them
Have you ever been hurt?
This could almost be considered a rhetorical question, at some point in time we all get our feelings hurt. I haven’t posted anything of substance because for the last few days I have been nursing some hurt feelings. Oh, no one has been mean, it is simply (for lack of a better term) the unfairness of life that has me down. Which makes it harder as it is rather unconfrontable (I made that word up!)
I hate how it has made me feel over the last several days. I don’t like feeling the way I am and it is totally counterproductive. So what do you do when your feelings are hurt? Do you wallow in it? Suck it up and put on a brave face?
You see in my case, I could argue that I have been treated unfairly, over looked… forgotten. My feelings are Just. Don’t we as humans have such a sense of justice? I have heard these words spoken by my children more than I can count, “But it isn’t fair!!” Even a child can see when someone is not being treated fairly, and our sense of justice gets all riled up. Ever dish out ice cream to children, “His scoop is bigger than mine!” Where you purposefully trying to give one child more than the other? Was your intent to hurt the one child’s feelings? Of course not! So what do you do when life scoops you the smaller bowl?
I have prayed much over the last few days and I certainly do not have all the answers. My situation is not going away, it will stare me in the face for some time to come. If I don’t deal with these feelings now then they will grow. If you have ever found yourself in my position I would welcome words spoken with gentleness. Maybe you are dealing with hurt feelings right now. If you are I guarantee you that nursing them along will do you no good.
Here is what I have learned…
I found this verse in the EVS translation, not what I normally read but I found the wording cut to my heart. Hebrews 12:15~ “See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled;”
Of course, I could be taking the verse entirely out of context, but, all week I have known that if I didn’t get these feelings in check I was running the risk of bitterness growing in me. Isn’t it amazing that we can be wronged, having done nothing wrong ourselves, but, if we allow the seeds of bitterness to take root we are now in the wrong?? Do you love the way I said we, to soften the blow to myself?? If I allow these seeds of bitterness to take root I will be the one doing wrong!
God’s grace we all need it. 1 John 1:9~ “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” To be honest, I cannot say if I have let it go so far as to cause me to sin, but I have entertained my hurt for too long, and my faithful and just God wants to hear my struggles; preferable before they lead to sin!
Proverbs 4:23~ tells us, “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” If you have been hurt or wronged protect your heart and don’t harbor bitterness. Don’t allow it to get the tiniest foothold!
Ephesians 3:16~ “That according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being,” Your INNER BEING! Isn’t that the very place where our sense of justice screams from. Deep in our inner being He can strengthen us with power through His Spirit in our INNER BEING. I do not have all the answers, I know we tell our children life isn’t fair. We are going to see injustice happen. Sometimes it will happen to us, don’t let it make you bitter, don’t let it harden your heart, don’t let it eat you up and destroy you.
1 Peter 5:8~ “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walks about, seeking whom he may devour:” Don’t let him still your joy, your peace and your hope.
I know my situation is not going anywhere, I know I will have to greet it many times in the future, but I am not powerless. I can wallow in it or I can turn to Jesus, I can ask Him to make me kind and tenderhearted, full of His peace and shining His love. This is not a one time prayer, I know I will need to fall on my knees again and again and pray this. In time the hurt will be gone and by then my patient Lord will be working on yet another character flaw in me. Thank you my friends for coming and reading!
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11 Comments
Andi
Great advice and encouragement! It is something we must do each time a situation arises.
Sweaty
I'm glad you stopped by my blog earlier, because otherwise I wouldn't have found out about your blog, and would miss this great post.
What you wrote came at the right time for me, a great reminder on how we dealt with our hurt feelings. I am going through a very difficult time in my life right now (the majority of it, I've written in my blog). To say that my feelings are hurting might even be an understatement because my heart certainly felt like it was continuously breaking. The pain feels very real.
Thank you for sharing those great verses… I will keep what's written here in my thoughts.
A new follower, found your blog through Thoughtful Thursday blog hop 🙂
Savannah
Thinking of you..It's been a while since we talked, maybe this weekend we can get together for a bit..I can drive down to the Tim Horton's by your place and we can have some coffee or something? Will be praying for you.
(PS You're a very wise woman!)
cynthia
I was reading a novel last night and this verse seems to apply too.
Philp. 4:4-5 "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near." So, my connection here would be that in rejoicing and being gentle it's sure hard to nurse those hurt feeling and the bitterness that fallows.
Blessings to you my dear friend for struggling through and seeking God's best for you even in/through the hurt. Love you.
jedidja
Thank you for this honest and informative blog. I often struggle with this and am glad to read something so I know I am not alone in this world, with such feelings and struggles.
I like the explanation, the Bible passages.
Groetjes/greetings.
marlece
I think the biggest thing for me with this issue of hurt feelings is not so much the bitterness part or even forgiving but the walls go up and nobody is going to get back in to hurt me again. I have a thick wall in a few areas of my life and that isn't fair either. I know that this isn't how the Lord would want this to be. It's a struggle. And what I say to you my dear friend is, "I am sorry, I am sorry you are hurting." Not a fun thing for sure. Love to you and you keep that head up of yours, you are a dear.
love, marlece
Shiloh
I appreciate your honesty so much! 🙂
Our pastor just covered the passage in Luke I think 17, where it talks about the servant that comes in from the field, and he has to go make dinner right away. Pastor really encouraged us that as Christians, our work is never "done." We never "deserve" a break. I still haven't decided if that is encouraging or discouraging. Either way it's very convicting for me. And I think it's really encouraging, because we look at all God has done for us, and what we have palls in comparison a bit I think.
Thank you for this post.:)
Cooking Up Faith
How awesome that we have God's Word to help us through tough feelings! Good for you for seeking Him out so strongly. Here's the verse that's underlined multiple times in my Bible that helps me deal with hurt feelings from others:
For God has accepted them to be his children. They are God's servants, not yours. They are responsible to him, not to you. Let him tell them whether they are right or wrong. And God is able to make them do as they should. Romans 14:4 (LBE)
Shanda
I have recently been very hurt as well and have had to draw on all these. I also took to heart 'do not repay evil for evil', 'do not be surprised at the trials you are going through.' and 'love covers a multitude of sins' (I peter) If I have the love of God in my heart, I will not repay evil and will not spread around what the person did to hurt me. Rather, I will cover it us with love and forgiveness.
Thank you for linking up to On Your Heart Tuesday
Alison
Thanks for sharing/reminding me that we all go through these times. It never fails that when I pray for help to overcome those types of feelings, they are muted and lessened almost immediately. Then, time does the rest. 🙂
ontheoldpath
Thank you all for your kind words. I debated writing this post and am so glad that I went ahead with it. Praying for those of you who are walking through this too.