Feeling sorry for myself…
I don’t do this very often but tonight I am going all out and having myself a full fledged pity party. There is my disclaimer you can stop reading right now… if you want to come along with me as I wallow for the next five minutes you do so at your own peril.
Tomorrow Dave and I will be married for 13 years! We have never really done much for our anniversaries. I might make a cake and a special dinner. Sometimes we would exchange cards. On our first anniversary we had an almost 3 month old and little means. As the years have gone by and our means slowly increased so did our family size and our schedule.
This year was going to be different, this year I planned ahead, 3 months ahead to the day. I got tickets to see Micheal W. Smith but more importantly Down Here was opening for him and Dave and I LOVE Down Here. I had babysitting booked 3 months ahead of time. We were going to go out to dinner and I am not talking Mc Donalds drive thru. An actual sit down, nice lighting, semi romantic atmosphere restaurant. Did I mention Down Here was the opening act.
You know where I am the night before my anniversary when I should be singing along with DOWN HERE, I am back at the hospital with Joel. If I was at the concert, having a great time, Joel would be having a blast at a sleepover with Gramma and Biba and all his brothers and sisters. There would have been popcorn, pop and movies. So believe me if Joel knew what tonight should have been he’d be thinking we got a raw deal too.
Oh I know there are definitely worse tragedies in this world then missing Michael W. Smith and DOWN HERE but I am feeling a little like it’s my party and I can cry if I want to.
See this chair this is where I am sitting right now, if I want to make it into more of a lounge chair I can do this to it.
I bet your all thinking that’s not so bad, BUT, I could be with a sold out crowd singing along with Down Here and Michael. Then when all those happy little concert goers are snuggling down for their night reliving the wonderful evening they had, I will snuggle down here beside my buddy Joel, who if he only knew he could be hanging out with Gramma and Biba, would I am sure be looking a little bit sad. Instead of just wondering why on earth I am taking a picture of our beds.
The only slightly positive thing is that Dave was able to find someone to bless with the tickets instead of them going to waste. If you’ve never heard of Down Here you can give them a listen by clicking Down Here (This one is a Christmas tune but I LOVE IT) and if you’ve never heard Michael then click over here. Now if you have read this far I am impressed because I think I am even getting tired of feeling sorry for myself. I am guessing it is unlikely that I will get the chance to see these two in concert together again (I say again meaning that it is unlikely that they will necessarily tour together again… not that I would see them again because we all know that I didn’t see them… not sure why I felt the need to clarify that… perhaps so I could say once again that I am missing Down here and Michael tonight on the eve of my 13th wedding anniversary.) I may get the chance to see Down Here somewhere else one day… you never know anything is possible. Now don’t think for a moment I am resenting Joel there is no other place in the world I would be then by his side. I think he would totally agree that this is lousy. So I will say I speak for Joel and myself when I say cancer your an abysmal, nasty, mean and rotten mess!!!!
P.S. Joel had a great weekend and thankfully is 100% oblivious to my pathetic pity party. (Say that 5 times fast)
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7 Comments
Savannah
sorry you're having a rough time..can't imagine how it must feel to be spending the weeks away from your family on your anniversary…thinking of you and praying for you..was good to see you at church
Your DH
Well, I put on the Down Here CD on the way home from the hospital…I asked the kids if they wanted to know what it would sound like in concert, so I cranked it…it only lasted a few seconds. I told them that sometimes my ears would be ringing coming out of a concert because it was so loud…I don't think they see the draw.Happy anniversary.
Mommy2Four
Hi there! I've been reading your blog for a little bit now, checking in on you and Joel every morning to see if any new prayers are needed. I'm Mommy to four beautiful children, the youngest of whom is my medical kiddo. While we didn't walk the same path you are on, I did spend months driving back and forth to a hospital two hours away every week for treatment. Stay strong, and put one foot in front of the other. I remember spending a Valentines Day in a PICU room with my kiddo on a ventilator. It stinks, but down the road, it's amazing how you can smile and laugh, and find humor in situations that really were humorless at the time. We joke that the first anniversary for "medical" families is the latex and tegaderm anniversary (forget paper or clocks!). By the way, we have the same wedding anniversary.I will be forever amazed at how God works. He was able to take those medical moments, where the evil that is in this world reared it's ugly head, and forge blessings in it. Amazing! While I would never wish this path on anyone, it's hard to imagine life without my "medical family" and the people I've connected with. I've been able to pass my knowledge on and help other families, and my relationship with God changed for the better. I wear a bracelet almost everyday with the last seven words of the "Footprints" poem on it. "My precious, precious child, I love you and would never leave you. During your times of trial, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."Praying for you in upstate NY!
Moni
Dear Cheryl, I can't help but well up with tears as I read your words. It's good to get them out though, isn't it? How about when all this is over, I take your kids for a long weekend, and you and Dave find a concert, a nice hotel with a beautiful restaurant, to celebrate! (And yes, Dave, I would take all 5!) Hang in there… Thinking of you often,Moni
Alexis
Cheryl,Again, I am so sorry that I'm not commenting more, and again, I promise that I am reading every post and praying often for Joel, you, and the rest of your family.I hope and pray that the Lord is extra sweet to you today!
highlandlass
You know one of the things I love about you Cheryl? You are just so very real 🙂 Wallow away … sorrow lasts for the night but joy comes in the morning. I am praying that you will see Him return to you MORE than a hundred fold for these days that were so unexpected … He is good at doing that you know? 😉 Blessings!! Tracy
Cheryl
Thank you my friends for all of your sweet words!!