Learning Contentment
I feel like I am living someone else’s life. Living here at the hospital is a totally different world. To a degree Joel and I are falling into a pattern: our days have begun to have somewhat of a routine. We have been here for seventeen days with no end in sight. Of course, I know there is an end, it is just the details up to this point have been so vague.
Prior to this, my life had a rhythm: the kids and I moved through our days together. I would make meals with the help of little hands stirring a pot or finding ingredients for me. There was laundry that was in an endless state of accumulation. My little helpers would sort the socks, shift baskets around etc. We would do school together, learning all sorts of things. Of course there was all the other housework, some days it got done and other days it was waiting for me the next morning.
We had play time where I would eat pizza cooked by Hannah. Together we would build tents in beds. I would be amazed at Taliah’s daily drawings. The boys would baffle my mind with their creativity as they would build all sorts of wonderful things from Lego. I would watch as the kids would pull on their boots and head out the door to build tepees, slay dragons and discover new lands. Countless hours were spent reading stories from old classics to new found adventures. And then there was cuddle time…or when I would receive an unsolicited hug or smooch from one of my little (or not so little) ones.
It may sound rather ordinary but it was my life and I loved it. I am convinced one day, hopefully sooner than later, Joel will be out there running around getting himself dirty with the other kids…and I will be back to my ever growing laundry pile. In the meantime I have found acceptance of our situation; it is not what I would have picked for us, but it is our life right now. No amount of complaining can change that.
Paul wrote in his letter to the Philippians ….I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4: 11b – 13; to be honest with you all I don’t think I am as far along on this path as Paul was. I am still working on being content in all things; there is a big difference between acceptance and contentment. I think I am much further along this path than I was 18 days ago.
I am learning what it is to walk in His strength. The neat thing I have learned about God is He is never finished with us. Just when we figure we have mastered a characteristic… patience, trust, compassion etc. God pulls back a layer and encourages to go deeper. He doesn’t want you to ‘just’ love others. He wants you to dig deeper and love more… to love harder…from somewhere deep within, inside you. He wants us to never be satisfied with the minimums but to give our all. And just when we think we are giving our all He brings us to a place where we can go deeper. It is only possible, though, when we are walking in His strength.
Some of that strength came in the form of His faithful. Uncle Kyle came for a visit today and then we had Sim and Trussje, Savannah, Mr. and Mrs. Dejong (or as some at church know Mrs. Dejong as the cookie lady) who, of course, made sure she had cookies with her. Finally, the Kline family stopped in, bringing Timbits and cards from all the kids from his Sunday School class.
Joel finished off his day with a massive meltdown, I wish I could help him to not become so frustrated. So far, tonight, he isn’t sleeping too soundly and he has a fever. I am hoping this new week will bring some answers as to how oncology wants to proceed. We progress one moment at a time. Blessings!
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4 Comments
Heidi
Dear Cheryl: You and your family have certainly been on my heart and in my prayers. In 2001 my sister, age 43, was diagnosed with glioblastoma multiforme IV malignant brain tumour. She had surgery and subsequently radiation. She moved into my home right after the surgery, as she was a single girl and I was her only sibling.Dear, dear Cheryl-the schooling issue should be at the bottom of your list right now. I nursed Esther for 7 months in my home, taking multiple trips, sometimes daily, to Hamilton. I made all her meals, administered all her meds throughout the day, etc. The kids did not get much book learning done. at all. BUT they did learn about caring for your family. ALL of the kids have gone on to post graduate studies without a hiccup. I am not a highly structured homeschool mom to start with, and we sure didn't have many regular school days in those times. I tried to keep them up with a structured math program, and sincerely, that was probably it (7 months +). Reading aloud historical fiction has always been a favourite for me, so I would read chapter books to them, do their math, and read whatever devotional/Bible we were doing at the time. Things like Planet Earth dvds are wonderful for teaching science and helping the kids pass some time when you just need them to pass the time! The input of your relatives is invaluable. One of the greatest outcomes is that I see a compassion and a passion for loving people in my kids. Here's a scripture verse God gave me at the onset of that journey: Isaiah 58:6-10 (New International Version) 6 "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? 7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter— when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? 8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness [a] will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard. 9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I. "If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, 10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. Of COURSE you care for your kids because that is what we are chosen and privileged to do. I chose to look after my sister, as I was the only one who could do that job in the way that she needed. I had to choose to bring her into my home. God reassured me that the offering I was bringing was what He wanted. All that to say that your kids will observe and be blessed because you are doing what is in front of you to do.Although it is such a stunning situation, God has prepared you for this time and he will equip you daily, as you have already experienced. Email me anytime. We care, and I have people at my church praying for you. Much loveHeidi Goertz
Savannah
was good to see you yesterday, and made my day to see Joel smile and even giggle a few times..I hope he's feeling better today, praying for you always
Jenn @ A Country Gir
This is my first time visiting your blog. I read through several of your posts and I am so touched by you and Joel. I will be adding your family to my prayer list.
ticc
Hope things are better today. My heart goes out to all of you, and may God give you the strength to get you though each passing day. You all are in my thoughts, and prayers. God Bless!!!