The adventure has begun. We are officially house hunting, after months, actually years of waiting we are finally looking. It has already been a roller coaster for my emotions. I don’t think a roller coaster is a very accurate description to what I have been feeling. I know it is meant to depict the ups and downs of the ride, but, with a roller coaster isn’t it suppose to be a thrilling ride? This doesn’t feel so thrilling actually I think I am the one throwing up after the ride. Okay maybe that is a little extreme. I have said it before and I ‘ll mention it again I can tend to lean to the over dramatic side of things.

At any rate, going in to this I knew I was going to have to compromise, I just had no idea how much I was going to have to give up. Remember I have had years and years to dream about this. Dave and I had lined up 3 properties to look at last Thursday the one we really wanted to see was taken off the market the day before we went to see it. I was really disappointed. The listing agent for the house that was taken off the market suggested another house to our Realtor, even though ours had mentioned it was way over our top price point. Foolishly we agreed to see it, unfortunately our hearts feel in love with it. We put in an offer our very top dollar and of course we did not come close to getting it. It took them until today to get back to us, we had expected to come home to a, “No,” on Thursday, but as time went on we began to hope. It was perfect, bright and clean, good space for our 5 kids. A room over the garage that we could build out as the kids got bigger. A beautiful room off of the living room that would have made a wonderful homeschool room.

Why? We ask why. Why did we look at it? We did not ask to see it, we had wanted to see the one that was pulled of the market. Why was that one taken off the market the day before if it hadn’t been we would not have seen this one? Why did we allow ourselves to hope? Why did we dream? Why are we disappointed when we knew it was a long shot?

What would life look like if we did not hope and dream?

Psalm 11:1

In the Lord I take refuge.
How then can you say to me:
“Flee like a bird to your mountain.

David is being pursued by King Saul for his very life he is being told to flee. David has such trust in God for his safety, his future and his life.

I wish I could say I am just like David, I trust God completely, I trust Him to provide something wonderful for my family. I wish I could tell you that after hearing about not getting the house I said, that is okay, He must have something else in mind for us. I am trusting in God for my future.

Instead, I said to myself, of course not, that house was so out of your league. You and your family do not deserve anything that nice, we will find some rundown, leftover house, and you will just have to make the best of it as that is your lot. Don’t aspire to anything better because that is not for you. (Remember what I said about being over dramatic?)

Now I find myself needing to ask for forgiveness for my lack of trust. Faith is nothing if it cannot stand up to a little disappointment, or adversity. My faith has stood against much worst storms so why this? Why did this throw me off so badly? My head knows all the truths about trusting in Him yet my heart feels very weak and wobbly. It is afraid to trust to put its self out there again because what if there isn’t anything better? How do you do it, how do you trust again, how do you get back on (for lack of a better analogy) the roller coaster. That’s just it, it takes, say it with me, “FAITH!!”

I am falling on my face and asking again for faith to trust and hope again. One day I may be more like David but today I am afraid I am more like the man in Mark 9:24 Who says, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief.”